The Eight Steps to Conflict Resolution (Classroom Exercise)

The Eight Reactions to Conflict

Joan has just about had it. School was cancelled and she has been aggravated by her children all day. Her environmental action group, which had to meet at her house since she couldn’t get a sitter, had a long and frustrated afternoon meeting.

Tom had been looking forward all day to relaxing at home and having a leisurely evening with Joan. His staff at the office bungled an important assignment, and he has been blamed. Traffic was almost gridlocked coming home. He stopped at the supermarket, but in the l0-items-and-under checkout line a lady behind him began shouting when she saw Tom had 11 items. He arrives home frazzled, looks around at the living room mess—the environmental action opposes littering but not in his living room—and snaps at Joan: “With nothing else to do all day long, I don’t get it: how can you be such a sloppy housekeeper?”

Assume you are Joan, and rank the following responses in order of your preference. Mark your preferred response as #1, #2, #3, etc.

--“Well, why don’t we clean it up together if it sends you over the edge?” (Negotiation)

--“I’d be neater if you acted more like a real father and took the kids off my hands once in a while, Mr. Self-Importance.” (Escalation)

--“Did you have a rough day at the office, dear?” (Sarcasm or saintliness)

--Say nothing. Assume it will all blow over. (Avoidance)

--“I get angry and feel hurt when you accuse me unfairly. I’ve had at least as hard a day as you. I think it’s time we discussed sharing household responsibilities more.”

(Information)

--“If that’s the nicest thing you can say, I’m outta here. I’ll be next door at Sharon’s until you stop acting crazy.” (Withdrawal)

--“Give me another 10 minutes and it will all be cleaned up.” (Inequality, self-blaming)

--“Joey! Get off the floor and wash your filthy hands before dinner.” (Transferal)

And your own response?